Et non vous ne rêvez pas amis footeux !

La star portugaise lauréate de son premier titre en selection dimanche soir au Stade de France a fait preuve d’une incroyable malice en mettant en scène sa propre sortie dès la première demi-heure de jeu face aux Bleus lors de sa première finale sous les couleurs de la Seleccao.

En effet, cette sortie prématurée avait été préparé à l’avance avec son coach (ou devrait-on dire son assistant) Fernando Santos comme nous le rapportent nos confrères lusitaniens d’O Balo avec cette incroyable discussion entre les deux protagonistes :

– Coach, j’ai entendu recemmment que ce petit colochonero d’Antoine Griezmann pouvait me chiper mon Ballon d’Or adoré que dois-je faire ?

– Cristiano, nos compatriotes portugais sont déjà très content d’être arrivé en finale après notre parcours chaotique qui, sans notre copain Michel, t’aura déjà permis de te dorer la pilule à Marrakech depuis plusieurs jours. J’ai une idée qui te fera gagner le Ballon d’Or à tous les coups.

– A bon coach dites moi ?

– Ce soir, toi qui rêves d’être acteur tu va jouer le rôle de ta vie ! Tu entres sur le terrain, on met en place notre jeu dégueulasse (merci Riolo) et au quart d’heure de jeu, tu t’écroules à la première charge contre toi. Tu fais croire à la planète entière que tu t’es fais les croisés mais comme tu es Cristiano tu te comporteras comme un surhomme en reusissant à aider ton équipe pendant dix minutes dans cet état-là.

– Mais on risque de perdre sans moi coach !

– Cristiano, on a déjà failli perdre avec toi face à la Croatie et à la Portugal et même face à ces amateurs de Vikings d’Islandais, si tu nous refais tes cagades du premier tour même les sélectionneurs des Iles Pacifiques qui n’ont d’yeux que pour toi depuis plusieurs années au moment d’attribuer leur vôte risque de te tourner le dos au détriment du Grizou. La meilleure solution, pour toi c’est de sortir en mode « Il faut sauver le soldat Ryan !  » et faire le spectacle avec moi sur le banc … tout le monde va adorer et même si ton concurrent sort le match de sa vie, quelques pitreries sur le banc te permettront de revenir sur ton meilleur ennemi Leo dans la course de ta vie … celle du Ballon d’Or. En plus de ce quatrième sacre Cristiano, tu sera également le premier footballeur de l’histoire à glaner l’oscar du meilleur acteur.

– Vous m’avez convaincu coach merci.

Quelle histoire, ça devrait encore mieux marcher que les Yeux dans les Bleus ! (sic)

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