Absent du groupe marseillais face à Angers, Abou Diaby a encore rechuté, le milieu de terrain s’est fracturé l’oesophage, le ventre et l’anus à cause d’une diarrhée du à un kebab pas frais !

De nouveau blessé, le milieu français devra s’absenter jusqu’à la fin de la saison. Une triple blessure, la faute à un kebab pas frais ; le « Gourcuff noir » s’est confié sur cette nouvelle blessure :

« Le kebab que j’ai mangé n’était pas propre. Le soir je suis resté assis sur mes WC car j’avais une chiasse de l’enfer. J’ai tellement chié que ça m’a sévèrement fracturé l’anus ! C’est à cause de ce putain de kebab. Et quand il est sorti de ma bouche, j’ai senti un gros craquement dans mon ventre et mon œsophage. Le kebab est sorti par tous les trous de mon corps ! Désormais à cause de ce putain de vieux grec, je suis absent minimum un mois… »

L’ex-international français a mangé un kebab pas frais au O ´Galettes dans le quartier de Saint-Jean de la Pueta. Le sandwich turc qu’Abou Diaby a mangé, vomi puis chié ; a été analysé par le nutroutionniste, Jean-Cristhoze Cohné-Riun. Cet expert en diététique s’est confié sur l’analyse du kebab se Diaby :

« J’ai découvert parmi les restes du kebab d’Abou Diaby des choses assez stupéfiantes dans ce sandwich tels que : du chat à la place de la viande, des légumes périmés et du lait de vache folle ainsi qu’un gramme de cocaïne. Je comprends mieux pourquoi M. Diaby a eu la plus grande diarrhée de l’histoire qui lui perforé l’anus tellement il était constipé ! »

L’opération d’Abou Diaby pour son œsophage, ventre et anus devrait se faire la semaine prochaine par les docteurs Maboules et Folarmours

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